I’m giving it another go around.

I stopped writing because I was feeling overwhelmed by the constant need to update, edit, approve and moderate postings or comments. I was overwhelmed also by the need to be continuously writing and I had lost faith in the longevity of my own creativity. I’m still unsure of how well my writing would be since my days are jumbled with more than I can manage but right now I am also dealing with something that was helped so much by this blog, the community and the therapeutic effects of writing. I’ll get to that in a minute.

First an update.

The house is moving forward. I took my sister-in-law to see it today and the walls are up, the roof is on, the fireplace is in its place although it’s still in the package and it’s upside down. It is in place though so I’m thrilled. We’ll be having our rough-in walk through on Monday so I will upload pictures of the house at that time. Last I heard we are looking at a late January move in date, as long as they stay on schedule and the snow stays at bay.

Jason and Jocelyn are still being home schooled and they are still enjoying it. Chuck and I have talked about sending them back to traditional schooling because I have been so busy that I was concerned that their schooling was suffering. I talked to the kids about it and they were absolutely against going back so I talked with the home school board and worked with the teacher that is available to me for help and we are working out a schedule and implementing some new curriculum to help keep things moving, keep the kids interested and we’re getting them involved with lots of activities outside of me. Jason is about to start an art program, a sports sampler and a writing workshop. Both kids are in a theater program and they will be doing swimming lessons and scouts once we get to Cochrane. I won’t get into the curriculum because I’m sure no one finds it as interesting as the kids and I do but we’ve started some fun things with geography and chemistry. This past Monday was the Homeschool Day at the Science Center and the kids were enrolled in several workshops there and they’ve become interested in different aspects of science. I could go on about school forever and lose what few readers are left so I’ll move on.

Now to big news:
Chuck and I found out a couple weeks ago that I am pregnant with baby number four! I’m not sure how far along I am but I think I’m somewhere between 10 and 12 weeks. We’ve tried to keep it quiet but I’ve started showing unless I wear my husbands shirts and my largest pair of jeans and then I just look fat so I felt it best to come out with it. I’m nervous and anxious at the same time. This will be our last baby so I’m excited about having another child but I’m also sad that I won’t be doing this ever again. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to revisit pregnancy after this. My depression has already started. I’m having a hard time keeping food down unless I’m diligent about taking my Diclectin. I’m tired all day and I feel like a useless blob of chubby flesh in my own home. Chuck is helpful, like always, but I feel frustrated more every time he helps out around the house. I should be grateful, and I am, but I feel resentful also because I want to be doing what I’ve always done. I want to be taking the kids out as often as I use to. I want to be on top of things like I use to. I want to put makeup on every day and look cute but I’m exhausted and it rubs off while I nap during the day. Listen to my crabbing! I’m working on being grateful, staying happy, keeping away the depression and remaining healthy. Those are my goals.

Other big news is that I want a midwife to deliver this next, and my last, baby in my home. I have fast labors which you can read about here. I may not have time to drive to the hospital half an hour away. I wouldn’t be willing to have a home birth with my first baby because I would be too nervous but this is my fourth baby. I’m an old hat at birthing babies and my body does it quite well. This time is the last time I have to do it my way, in my own space. There is only one midwife in Cochrane and she’s amazing. She’s knowledgeable, gentle and she possesses a soft voice. She’s bee doing this a long time and I feel extremely comfortable with her. Unfortunately midwifery is very expensive so we’re saving our spare change and working to make the $3,300 before the baby comes and for now I’m going to use a traditional doctor for my prenatal care. I wasn’t surprised by Chuck’s hesitance when I first brought up the subject of birthing at home but he’s been so supportive after we did some research and met with the midwife. Looking at the cost of the house and the midwife, that both need to be paid simultaneously, we decided to put the midwife on the back burner until we have saved enough money for the midwife.

I can’t believe how much my interests have changed since I’ve had children. Homeschooling and home births?!? I never would have guessed when I was a newlywed and a new mother but this is where the journey has taken me and I am grateful every day for the freedom to practice my new interests without interference although I’m still hoping that the Alberta government will recognize midwifery or community care as important and needed in small, rural communities like Cochrane.

Have any of you had home births?