Once the interview was complete David blew off some steam by jumping on my bed. What kind of interviewer would I be if I didn’t get some footage of that?

Jason saw that it’s snowing outside and decided that he needed to talk to me.
“Mom, since it’s snowing and we might be able to go sledding tomorrow can you make hot chocolate for us and use the mugs that have lids. Only if it snows enough for us to go sledding of course. Mom, are you listening?”

David was the next kid to come looking to see why I wasn’t in my usual spots.
“Mom, I am going to cut this blanket to make a fort. Okay?”

Jocelyn was next.
“Hey Mom, how do I cut tomatoes?”

Laurelyn has started getting into this habit as well, even though her speech is a little impaired since she’s only 16 months. It went something like this.
“Mom! Mom! Moooooom! gubugubuswafagubugubuswafa.”

To which I replied, “Sorry Laurelyn. I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Laurely, clear as day said, “Okay Mom.”

I wanted to smile but I was busy.

Speaking of being in the bathroom, I thought that I would ask you, since we’re friends and I can write freely, how is your bladder control? You see, after having four kids I am starting to wonder if I have a problem. I use to laugh at my friend who has to wear a pad to play DDR or go running but now I am a sympathetic user of the activity related bladder issues. I have to wear a pad to exercise in. Sure, I admit it. My fitness instructor had us doing lunges, jumping rope, bear walking, stepping and kickboxing. I don’t think my body likes bouncing anymore. Do you remember when we were young and we use to look for opportunities to bounce? Oh, come on. You know what I’m talking about. These days I’m afraid if I bounce I’m going to bounce out a little more than I mean to.

It goes away right? Right?

Now that I’ve shared a little too much detail I am going to retreat back to Youtube.

Jason: I’m going to try really hard to be good all day. All day, Mom! And if I can be good all day I’m going to try to be especially good for a while week! Maybe I’ll keep going after that.

Jocelyn: Yeah Mom, I’m going to try really hard too. You’re going to be so proud of us!

Mom, that’s me: That’s awesome guys! I think that is so great that I’m going to try really hard to be good too.

Jocelyn: Wow, Mom. That means not losing your temper or yelling. That’s going to be really hard for you.

Great. Just great.

I play a game with David that I remember my mom playing with us when we were little and our attention spans were nonexistent. Here’s how the game works. If you’re trying to do something that requires your little person to be still, like putting shoes and coats on or when you’re buckling the seat belts, then you say in a very excited voice, “Listen! I hear something. Do you hear that?”

At this point some kids will stop and ask you what you hear. Some kids will keep struggling so you move to phase two. Phase two is when you bring their favorite thing into the game. In David’s case I usually say, “Listen! I hear a bulldozer. Do you hear that?”

That gets him almost every time. If that still doesn’t work though then I go into Phase Three. Phase Three is when you get silly. For example, Listen! I hear a puppy! Is there a puppy in your boot? Lets look in there. No puppy. Maybe it’s in your coat. Let’s look in your coat.

David is a very busy boy and he loves to be defiant. Last night I was putting him to bed and he was really putting up a fight. He was screaming and trying to kick off his blankets. He must have realized that wasn’t working so he started the Listen Game.

“Listen Mom! I hear a puppy.”

“You do? Is it in your bed. Maybe it’s under your blankets. Let’s look.”

David threw the blankets off of him again and said, “It’s not under my blankets Mom. The puppy is in the Bonus Room. Listen. He said woof woof David, come play with me.”

I laughed so hard I almost let him out of bed.

Almost.

Cast:
David – 2 year old boy
Mom – Super hot woman, highly intelligent and witty.

Script:

David: Mom, stop the van! I dropped my whiskers!

Mom: What? What did you drop honey?

David: I dropped my whiskers! STOP THE VAN RIGHT NOW!

Mom: What did you drop?

David: MY WHISKERS!

Mom turns around to see David pointing at the floor.

David: See Mom, my whiskers. I need them.

Mom: Oh, you’re SCRIPTURES!

Loud laughter from Mom and Dad.