I woke up this morning and turned the phone off in response to all the phone calls I got yesterday from well meaning people who wanted to know if the baby was coming.

I didn’t want to talk about it today.

I walked around the block as fast as a big pregnant belly would allow. I spent some time squatting and getting things moving down. I went to the midwife and had her check things out which made some contractions happen and made everything hurt for a while. I drank cups of red raspberry tea and I went to bed hopeful.

I woke up without a baby and it is now the day after my due date therefore I am not taking phone calls. I hurt everywhere because I definitely overdid it yesterday. I’m walking slow, doing as little as possible and taking sick advantage of my mom being here.

I’m trying not to think too much about it. No woman has had a baby in her womb forever but if you happen to be trying to call me and you’re not getting an answer, the phone is off.

Sorry but I’ll call you back after the baby is born.

To keep you entertained in the meantime, here’s some pictures of the kids playing with Grandma.

They’re playing with clay making fertility statues. Can’t you tell?

Here’s some of the other fertility statues.

The kids were awfully proud of their creations!

D Day.

Supposed Delivery Day.

I have walked stairs, I have done some other things that you need not concern yourself with imagining, I’m sipping red raspberry tea and my midwife says I could go into labor at any time. That could mean tonight or that could mean a week from now. I just need to be patient.

Anyone who knows me at all can attest to my lack of patience. It must have something to do with being the first born but regardless I am not good at waiting.

My body is showing signs of getting ready and I’m hoping that a brisk walk with my mom, out in the fresh air will help progress things into action. I’ll keep you posted.

It has been so nice having my mom here. I miss her more than I realize until I am sitting across the dinner table from her and I am just so happy to see her, here, close enough that I can wrap my arms around her. She’s been helping me cope with the house and the kids and food preparation. My three most favorite things to be taking care of when I feel like I have a grapefruit stuck between my legs.

Mom and I have walked with the kids to the park and we’ve gone video shopping but other than that we’ve mostly stayed home and enjoyed each others company. It’s nice to laugh with my mom. We have so much fun together that I’m half tempted to keep my legs crossed just to keep her here longer. I couldn’t do that to my siblings waiting at home who call every day to talk to mom.

Haha, she’s here with me, neener neener.

In other news, here’s some photos from today.

Jason is doing his math work outside in the sun. There was a lot of action going on in the backyard and he didn’t want to miss it.

This is what was going on. They were grading our backyard which involved this Mighty Machine as well as three bobcats and two big dump trucks. Who knew construction could be so fascinating? Mom and I stood out on the deck and watched them almost all day.

I really believe that women need women. We gather strength from the women around us and collectively we make each other stronger. I wish, often, that I had my sisters and mom around so I could gather strength from their feminine wisdom.

On the other hand I find myself preparing for my mother to come help with the kids while I have our last baby and I am surprised by all the little things that feel strange. I have to show my mom where the kids’ pajamas and diapers are because my mom has never been in our new home. I want her to feel completely comfortable in this home that Chuck and I created and I don’t feel certain that will happen because this is her first time here. I wonder about how she’ll sleep and how the kids will behave. I wonder about whether we’ll end up sitting around bored, staring at each other after having run out of things to say.

I’m sure it’s pregnancy hormones that are making me brain mush but I hope that we can enjoy each other in the simple tasks that I do all day. I hope that we can get to the end of the week, after the baby is born and the kids have drained her of Grandma time and we can feel like our feminine strength is renewed and our appreciation of one another is restored.

Chuck and I are taking the kids on a month long vacation as soon as the baby is born. We’re going to let the kids play on the beach, let Chuck read all the books he can carry and I’m going to let my body recuperate while laying in a hammock in the sun with my baby girl. That image is what’s keeping the lid on this emotional boiling inferno.

I thought pictures might help too so here’s where we’re going. I also thought the pictures might excite my family members that are coming out to join us. For as long as we’re there, you’re welcome to stay with us. We’d love the company! But the hammock is mine.

The beach with the kids’ footprints all over it.

The lake at sunset

The beach house.

I spent all day cleaning the house and doing laundry. I wanted to have the house in order so that when the midwives come my house looks orderly and everything is within reach. By the time I put David to bed I was exhausted and my body ached. I sat on the couch and finished watching Narnia with Jason, Jocelyn and Chuck. After the movie the kids went to bed and Chuck massaged my back. I was feeling a lot of pressure and was sure that it was happening, the baby was coming. I got the video camera together, made sure we had a blank tape, got the fresh sheets and the plastic and jumped into the bath to read about laboring positions. I was ready.

The window was open and I could smell the clean air and what smelled faintly of rain. I decided I wanted to go on a walk with Chuck before the baby came. Our last moment outside in the fresh air, looking at the neighborhood and enjoying where we live. Chuck thought I was crazy because it was now pitch back outside and it was 11:00 at night but he didn’t want to argue with a pregnant lady. We held hands and walked slowly past our neighbors quiet and dark homes and looked at their front yards, planning what we want to do with our house once we have a front yard.

I prayed that the baby would come into the world safely and that the older kids would enjoy the experience and that they would feel comfortable. Chuck prayed that the baby wouldn’t come tonight. I went to bed certain that I would be woken up to bring this child into the world.

It didn’t happen.

I’m awake now, still exhausted, emotional and feeling like crying. David got into a bag of grout and smeared it all over his arms and face, he broke off a piece of the back door which I promptly and thankfully could fix and then someone came to my door.

I love company. I really do but right now I’m huge and gross and I’m morally opposed to bras. My belly is so big that it pushes my bra up and makes it uncomfortable to wear. It hurts, so unless it’s Sunday and I am going to church I’m walking around in my husband’s sweats, an old t-shirt of his and no bra. This makes me feel less than beautiful but definitely comfortable, except for when someone knocks on my door to see how I’m doing and to bring me muffins. I love gifts but I hate looking disgusting and having people in my home when it looks like little elves ran through and destroyed everything.

I need to get my house clean. I need to get dressed. I need to take care of my kids and I need to have this baby.

Not necessarily in that order.